So without any semblance of true order or importance I present his nicks/euphemisms/descriptives:

Flash:
This was his ‘bump’ name (the name we elected to use while he was in the womb before choosing his birth name once he was out of the womb). There were some variants to this such as, Flash Empire Keating (Isambard Kingdom Brunell’s father called him Kingdom because he believed an important name would secure an important life, it worked. So I wanted there to be an Empire of Keating ruled by Emperor Flash Empire :0), Flash Uther Charles Keating (think of the initials ).

Sprogaloth:
Well if you read an earlier post on here this will become all the more relevant, named when he started to squirm and kick a lot in the womb.

Soggy Bottom Boy:
Those early morning nappies are so wet…

I am a baby
With a soggy bottom,
‘cos I filled
My little pants

Mr Farty-Bot:
Anatomical description for the ‘windy-moo-to-einen’ for he often lets off huge wiffs of flabby woof woofs one can hardly believe ones ears (never mind the tiny nosey). Often a lot of noise without end product but still most amusing.

Benjamin-Boo:
What his mum likes to call him.

Captain Squirty-Pants:
Yep, back with the anatomy and this one is richly deserved. it takes real talent to fill the nappy, perseverance to get it to overflow, but it is a skill if the overflow escapes your clothing and hits a victim, a real art form if you can hit more than one of their clothing items, magical if you also hit the furniture as well…

He is super-Squirty. He managed to squirt, overflow, hit his own clothes, hit the underwear-pants-top of the person holding him and splash along the couch. To cap this endeavour off, he smiled.

Truly Captain Squirty-Pants, perhaps even Rear-Admiral.

I settled back into bed and as we have been doing in the mornings Ben was laid down between us both. Leigh, seeing that I was mostly asleep (though not so far gone that I couldn’t answer sleepy questions on how to operate the camera) and cuddled up with Ben decided to take a picture of ten of us together. These are the best ones and I have included a picture of him on his own a few minutes later after I convinced myself that getting up was correct and the thing to do. (If you click on the pictures you will get a larger version of them.

Yep it has been an interesting and tiring first few weeks, testament to this is the fact that I am sat in the dark downstairs typing a blog post at four in the morning. I was on nappy change duties and then couldn’t get back to sleep. Must have hit one of those mystical sleep period moments that trick your body into thinking it slept more than it really has. Eithe that or I am going insane…

So how was the birth?

Well thanks for asking.

Benjamin was a grand total of eleven days late. He was due to be induced on the morning of the 29th June so with true timing he decided to start coming on the 27th. Somewhere early in the evening of that day Leigh got the first signs that she was going to go into labor – though they could have been BHs but they were getting regular.

At about 3 a.m. we knew that she was fully on the way as her waters broke, apparently with a pop, and so we headed to the hospital for the days events, which would turn out to be more of a trial than we would have liked.

3.30-ish – Arrived to discover that the hospital Delivery Suite was full, a mixture no doubt of England leaving the world cup, the third day of full moon (see my thoughts on the synchronicity of dates and the fact that more babies are born on a full moon), and a general sense of interesting timing means we are sat in the waiting room.

3.45-ish – Leigh pukes. The cramps are making her nauseous and she just can’t help herself. She wasn’t quick enough to get to a toilet so it is change of clothing time.

4.30-ish - we go up to the Maternity ward as there is still no more room in the suite – Leigh cannot have gas up here and so is left to the joys of cramps for a long wait…

8.00-ish – finally they are going to move us downstairs as there is room in the delivery suites. Leigh has puked a couple of more times.

9.00-ish - we make it downstairs – no it wasn’t a long way – we just had to wait on midwifes who have their hands full – mostly with newborn babies – the place is very busy!

9.30-ish – Leigh gets some gas and some painkillers. It gives some slight relief – and at least it lets her focus on something other than the cramps – she is dilating well

11.30-ish – Leigh gets a painkilling injection (not an epidural) and is told she is still dilating well they expect the baby in the early afternoon…

14.00-ish – Arses – she is still at the same level of dilation, just a centimetre or so to go, but there is less movement, we get a new midwife (the previous one had been on for 18hrs) eventhough they usually don’t like to switch midwives.

15.00-ish – the midwife isn’t that chipper about Leigh not moving for a while and starts to monitor her carefully. Leigh is looking tired but can still smile – which everyone thinks is very strong of her – frankly I am amazed as she has been in pain for 12hrs+ now – how can she smile.

The midwife tells her to focus on Oxycontin (spelling!) which is the chemical that helps in labour. My mind starts thinking of Phineas and Ferb and I am imagining scenes:

Doofenschmirts Evil Incorporated….

DS: Perry the Platapus, what are you doing here? Never mind you are just in time to see me initialise my Oxycontinator ray. Yes I will send every woman in the tri-state area into labor. You see when I was being born my mother had a hard time dilating due to a lack of the chemical….

Anyway

16.30-17.30 – Midwife has now started to be really concerned as the cervix still will not open fully and we have been stuck at the same point for hours – she starts to consult with the resident Obstetrician.

18:00 – Leigh is put on a drip to get some fluid into her as she cannot keep food or liquid down due to throwing up so much – she still manages to smile for us though – beginning to wonder if she isn’t a superhero in disguise now.

The midwife and I start talking about Monty Python,  strange conversation number 872, and I have to explain some of the references to Leigh.

18:45 – Obstetrician is not chipper and thinks that the cervix is becoming bruised/swollen from the pressure and that the baby is not going to come out – she is also concerned about Leigh’s hydration and the general distress the baby may be in. They ask if we want to use the sunroof option and Leigh and I agree.

19:15-30 – We go into the operating theatre – I get to wear scrubs – Leigh is given some serious drugs that numb her from the chest downwards – she is very relieved as the pain suddenly goes and starts to make jokes with the anesthetist now that she can talk without waves of pain. Monty Python follows us into the operation as they have a little machine that goes “Bing”.

19:48 – There is a wailing sound and suddenly a voice that says “Well, what a noise, if you want I can put you right back in there” and 30 seconds later they pass me my son to hold. I show him to his mummy who is looking so relieved and happy. I have to gulp back tears – it is very emotional.

20:10 and 34 seconds – first photograph of Benjamin is taken and then a picture of me in my scrubs.

The first picture of my son

Amazing to think that he had so much good colour – he looked huge as well, they all thought he was over ten pounds as it was he was a mere 9lbs 3oz at birth – huge feet as well

Me in my "action" scrubs

Yes, as usual his dad likes to pose – I really liked those scrubs.

Parents and baby - I am still in my scrubs

Leigh was so tired….

Mum and baby - he's already awake

Amazing that he had his eyes open and was so interested in the world – he weas seeing it all as a blur though.

What did I do?

1. I stripped the room to its bare walls;
2. Treated the walls for some light mold;
3. Took up the carpet;
4. Stripped the ceiling;
5. Plastered cracks and filled holes and fixed skirting breaks;
6. Painted the ceiling;
7. Painted Skirting board;
8. Papered the walls;
9. Fixed the cupboard door;
10. Painted the walls;
11. Fitted a new door;
12. Added borders and decals to walls;
13. Built the nursery furniture and then put the clothes away;

It was quite a mammoth task when all was said and done, but I think it was also very fulfilling as there is a great end goal. What follows is some images (from a camera phone) I took as i went along. Enjoy.

March 9th 2010

I awoke last night in a cold sweat, it was the third night running I had done so. My dreams were filled with the dark coils of a nightmare, of tendrils wrapping me in their grasp and dragging me down into the murky depths whose waters hold ancient secrets. I rose from my bed and glanced at the beautiful face of my sleeping wife, she seemed well rested, almost serenely beautiful in the cold light from the clocks LED. I went to the window and parted the curtains. By chance a stray beam of moonlight, silver and sharp in the darkened room, slanted across my wife’s midrift and brought into sharp relief the raised section of our expected progeny.

I gasped, did my eyes deceive me? Or did the skin on my wife’s stomach suddenly squirm and twist in Diana’s wan glow? I blinked to clear the residue of sleep that gummed my eyes and hopefully to clear the twisted thoughts that shivered across my synapses, the remnants of my horrid dream.

To calm myself I went to our dresser to once again marvel at the photographic keepsake of our still-unborn son, the image that I shall treasure forever. Perhaps it would soothe the troubled waters of my mind and ease the anguish of that desperate dream. I opened the thin card cover, gently smiling at the pictograph of a child’s toy that adorned the cover.

Then I gasped…

The card fell from my fingers and tumbled to the floor…

I could hardly breathe…

I couldn’t move as my feet were rooted to the spot in terror…

A primal, ancient scream, such as one that early man must have uttered when first the darkness came to snatch away his sanity rose from my lips…

But the image was stuck there, burned into my retinas and fixed in my mind where my thoughts unravelled taking with them my senses…

We had created in our dark lusts the very thing that my night-time travels had uncovered, we had brought into being, the Sprogaloth, child of Cthulu…